deSiRe wOrld

他

2009-11-05T22:39:00.004+08:00

他，是个脾气不怎么好的人。

他，是个不把任何人放在眼里的人。

他，总是喜欢别人听他的话，随他意思走。

是的，他是个不折不扣的大男人。。。

而这个大男人，却是扰乱我思绪，无时无刻在我脑海里打转的人。

他脾气不好，但总是嘴硬心软。

他不把人放在眼里，却会无意间感到他的关心，担心。

他喜欢别人听他的话，甚至有时像个暴君（哈哈），但也有稚气，撒娇的时候。

是的，他就是那么让人捉摸不定的大男人。。。

自从认识他后，我的人生便掀起了很大的改变。一切我总觉得是理所当然的事，在他眼里竟变成‘离谱’两个字。当我越把他融入我生活，我渐渐觉得超没安全感。以他那‘头壳坏掉’的脑浆所思考出来的伦理，总是让我哑口无言。

有时觉得他超有智慧，有时觉得他在耍宝。

爱他，总是有绅士风度的帮忙提东西。

爱他，虽然爱啐啐念，但总是笑着对我埋怨。^_^

我爱的他，心里正挂念着一个人。一个让他觉得已付出真心，但却无没法收回的人。他对她的爱，已远远超出我对他的。他的心，密密的包扎着，这段他放不开的爱情。却也默默地把我关在门外。虽然靠好近，却总是垮不了。有好几次，总是告诉自己，没关系，就当作另一个邂逅吧。。但心里却感到好不爽。。-_-!!

不想，也知没有资格当她的代替品，如今只希望他能开开门，让我偷看一下，他的世界是如何。。或者是否有个小角落，能够分一点给我，就ok 了。。(#^_^#)

他放不开旧爱，也不想放。

我不能不爱他，只能继续爱。

心叛逆了，怎么劝，都不听，

心受伤了，怎么止血，都不停。。

baCk aGain~~

2009-10-26T01:09:00.000+08:00

been away for qUite smtime.. gUess too lazy ba... haha..

expeCtin new posts + fOtos sOOn! kekekz =p

tRibUte tO Pa Pa

2009-02-05T22:20:00.004+08:00

sO faSt.. 1 yr le.. 31st Jan 09.. my Pa Pa 1st yr death annivesary..

Remembered how happi he was when he came back from visiting my auntys and uncle at kOta Tinggi..

Remembered how happi he was when he related where they hv been to and wat they had seen..

Remembered how happi he was to start work de next morning and askin my mum for his new clothes and shOes..

Remembered i wOke up with chicken pOx dat morning.

Remembered Pa Pa said, " Ger, if dOc cfm is chicken pOx, dUn get caught in de rain hor..."
ThOse were his last words to me..

He had always doted on me since young. Being a gd father, giving and fulling wat his children wants and needs. Knowing i'm not very gd wif books... nO matter how hard i tried.. de midnight oils i had bUrnt ( enUff to bUrn dOwn a HDB flat or my neighbOurhood) .. i cOuld onli passed wif bOrderlines..
And Pa Pa never exert pressure on me..

He dUn dO hse chOres.. dUn cOOk.. de typical tradition NAN REN in de hOuse. But he is a gd father. Remembered my mum once told me, " Pa Pa no licence. nO mOney buy car.. bUt he said will not let me lead a difficult life."

True to his prOmise to mum, wherever we go, we took taxi. Though we nOe its not cheap, deep in my heart, i nOe Pa Pa is giving his loved ones de beSt he could afford.

De days when he cycled me to tuition, bringing mum's cooked dinner and waitin for me to finish de food under the void deck.. cycling back hOme and back to fetch me when my tuition finished.. thOse were de memorable days..

In de hOspital, watching Pa Pa lying on de bed. Touching his gradually cold face. Calling for him again and again. Hoping and praying he would open his eyes and said everything's alright. But our prayers were not answered. seeing mum squatting outside and crying.. It pained my heart and i could just onli standing by de door and weep.

Right now, helping mum to be strOng. Getting her to be on her feet again. And us.

I seldom mention Pa Pa to anyone anymore.

Not dat i dun miss him.. nOt dat i Not clOse to hIm..How can i ever get over de death of my dearest Pa Pa?! But somehOw, whenever i tried to think baCk, my head became blank.. and onli de images of him lying on de hOspital bed came into my mind.. de pain was unbearable...

Reali wan to express my gratutite towards thOse ppl whO reali feel for us.. my Ah Choo ah yi, ah bee ah yi etc.. dey did alot.. sacrifice alot.. gettin misunderstood by thoSE hypocrites from Pa Pa's side of family... whO brainwashed pple ard them..

U HYPOCRITES!! U THINK WE DIN SEE THRU ALL DE THINGS U DO DURING PAPA'S WAKE?! BOTH U ALREADY HAD SO MUCH MONEY LE.. WAT ELSE U WAN?! ITS MY MUM'S STALL OK! UNDER MUM'S NAME! DE LAST THING PA PA LEFT FOR HER, FOR US! HOW CRUEL CAN U PPL BE?! U BELIEVE IN KARMA?
WAT GOES ARD COMES ARD... @#$%^&*^%$#@!#$%

Anyway, thnx for all de pple who helped us along the way.. =)

fOR Pa Pa:

Lao ba...so many images come to mind
whenever I speak your name;
It seems without you in my life
things have never been the same.

Lao ba, some days I hear your voice
and turn to see your face;
Yet in my turning...it seems
the sound has been erased.

Lao ba, if I could turn back time
and once more hear your voice;
I'd tell you that out of all the dads
you would still be my choice.

Please always know I love you
and no one can take your place;
Years may come and go
but your memory will never be erased.

You Beloved Daughter

哭，只能显得我好脆弱。。。

2008-12-04T20:19:00.007+08:00

大哭了一场，心情还是很低落。。。

哭只能显得我好脆弱。。。

从前，当我一旦感到伤心或被欺负时，就会找人得到安慰。。。

如今，因我想勇敢点，不希望成为别人的负担。。不想成为别人的困扰。。。

所以，我不再找别人。。不再借用别人的安慰，关心。。。

也不再需要别人同情的目光。。。

~sad mOOd~

2008-12-03T23:07:00.004+08:00

dUnno y, jUst feel beRi sad..

gOin tO bUrSt oUt cryin anytime..

i tink i need tO tOk tO someone.. badly..

sUppOsely tO be my beSt fren de.. buT seems like she gOt herself anOther fren le..

everyone has their own life.. edward sae de...

nObOdy tO tOk to.. left alOne.

lalala~~

2008-11-30T21:38:00.003+08:00

met uP wif ZhiyOng.. went singing today.. realised got 1 branCh at lOyang pOint.. niCe plc.. cOsy.. reasOnable priCe.. niCe.. =>

after dat, went collect my fOne.. dinner.. den went hOme... peaCeful dae..

reCeNt dayz..

2008-11-29T22:18:00.006+08:00

ErM.. JuST FoR memOry, went VIVO last wk. bOught lOtsa CandieS & chOco.. lUv dem.. ooPps...haha...

went cycling tOdae.. sUnny dae.. hOpe to chaSe away de unhappi memOries.. destress...relaX.. kekez...
(p.s: thnx tO Chwee Kueh for aCCOmpany me dUring my sad n tOugh timez.. =D )

YA LAR.. my fOne spOil again... tOk halfway like fOne kena drOp in tOilet bOwl.. keep havin bUbblin sOunds.. haha...

after sendin fOne fOr servICe, went daisO... bOught a sweet little sChedUle bk.. gOtta write my 2009 resOlutionz in... kekez.. will gO baCk again cOz still gOt thingz tO bUy fOr sCh & wOrk.. =>

been tO afew mOvies lately.. REC COFFIN HIGH SCH MUSICAL MADAGASCAR II BEVERLY HILLS CHIWAWA.... heehee... happi..

p.s: dUnno y.. i nOe him earlier den u, y dOes he seems like liSten to u onli..
its ok, sinCe im sUppOse to intro u tO him anywae.. haha...

eh!! samsUng jUst sms me sae my fOne ready for cOLLeCtion.. wa seh.. sO faSt meh.. dUnno gOt cheCk prOperly or nOt.. haix.. gOtta make a trip dOwn tOmolo again.. @$#%^%&%%^%$@ =(

~sAd~

2008-11-27T16:41:00.004+08:00

mayb i shLd jUst reSign.....

i used to lOve gOin work sO much...facin my frenz & colleagues...

feel drag tO gO wOrk nowadays....

im nOt a fren tO dem anymOre... feel sO alOne n helpless..

y dOes things tUrn out lidat... am i wrOng? wat did i dO wrOng?

shld i jUst let pple take me fOr granted?

if i dun feel happi cOmin tO work evryday..
mayb i shld jUst reSign n leave....

p.s: i need a crying shoulder, badly.. ='(

gOOdbye

2008-11-21T20:50:00.004+08:00

dis incident happen few mOnths baCk.. thOugh been sO long bUt still felt affeCted sO much...

if U r readin dis, i wOuld reali wan u tO nOe hOw i feel... n oSo wish tO aSk u, r U affeCted by wat happen....

i dUnno if u knew y i reaCted sO big dis time roUnd.. uSually i will jUst brUsh it off or get over it when u fly me aerOplane... everytime when u break ur words.. i feel sO disappOinted.. mayb u dUn feel it at all ba...

i oways believed, i shn't 'ji jiao' wif u.. cOz u yOunger den me.. thOugh despite de faCt dat u oways tink u matUred den me... bUt watever u hv dOne, dO u reali tink i shldnt b angry?

everytime u promise me u will turn up.. but gradually, u din... from cOmin tO work... tO dOin worksheets.. den de last straw, meetin uP for ClavanCe's performance... yea.. mayb tO u no big deal.. but hOw wld u feel if u r ALONE sitting dere throUghout de whOle thing bcoz u oreadi promise de bOy.. yes, u might sae ' u sae u wan gO wat, not me' bUt u oreadi sae u goin le remember? on fRi u even ask me wat time n where to meet...

bUt u din tUrn up... bcOz u overslept... i call n call... sms n sms.... den... when u turn up during work, u din even apologize n explain... u jUst walk past me.. like a stRanger.. like nUttin happen... i even need to find out y u din turn up from anOther person..

thrU ur character, i gUess, u dun heck care ba... u dUn heCk care if u hUrt sOmeone feelings.. u dun heCk care if u disappOinted sOmeone... u dUn heCk caRe how pple feel...

right now, after thinkin thru de nights y oUr friendship bcOme like dis... dere is onli one cOnclusion...

the reason y i'm sO affeCted dat we are nOt talking, its bcOz, right from de start i treated u as a fren. a real friend. thOugh i noe at times mayb bcOz u cant find ur frenz sO u aSk me out tO gO ktv or watever... n de faCt dat u r nOt affeCted it's bcOz, u never treat me as ur fren.. right from de start...

even when i tried helpin u get baCk tO work... even when at times i try tO help u financially thOugh i oSo beri 'dry'... even when i tried to get u & ur mUm to talk to each other by cOokin de diShes... even when helpin u tO hide truth & nearly get myself a stUpid 'warning letter'.... everything i did for a fren, even my frenz sae i did too much for a fren, not to say a colleague... u dUn appreciate... dUn make me feel regret helpin u, can?

reali miss de dayz when we spend our salary tOgether.. sing together... bUt i gUes all dis will be bUried into my memOries... dUn think u will cOme across tO read dis ba... from nOw on, i will jUst cOncentrate tO dO my own wOrk.. wUn even tink bOut anytink elSe le...

gOOdbYe my fRen,
take caRe

a dae oUt tO eaSt cOaSt!

2008-11-17T17:34:00.007+08:00

brought Li Yi to eaSt cOast yesterday... she's sO happi! hmmm... will bring her oUt mOre often.. since her dad oways sO bUsy n tiRed...

met up with 'Chwee kUeh" after de sand play... went maC fOr late lUnch... den send Li Yi hOme... den he send me hOme too...

he iS sO gOOd tO me nOwadays... oways cOme all de way dOwn from hiS plC tO de eaSt side... n den send me back... dUnno y... haha..

mOviez..

2008-10-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

reCently, finally met up wif him... thOugh nOe lOng time but haven met bfore.. thOugh he not salesman bUt in my mind he iS la.. oopz..

he iS one of de niCeSt gUy i met frOm de net... haha.. de faCt is dat he din hiam me la.. hOw niCe of him.. kekekez... tOday we went AMK hUb watCh mOvie.... after dat we went makan...

*RAInY weAther thoUgh... *

lOng lOng aGo....

2008-10-06T23:10:00.003+08:00

yUp.. i noE.. been ages sinCe i'm heRe..

i will tRy tO uPdate mOre often!! starTed my cOurSe..

Been bUsy dis few weeks.. wif aSSIGnMents.. prOjeCts...

fInALLY!! 2 learning cOrners over!!

will uplOad fOtOs sOOn....

nExT ModUle.... PARENTAL iNVoLVMENT... hAIzz..

lOve iS....

2008-07-01T21:59:00.001+08:00

lOve is letting go, even when U dUn want to.
lOve is letting hIm be happy even when it dOesn't involve U.
lOve is bein okay wif jUz bein fRenz
lOve is bein able to say goodbye
bcOz U know its the best thing for hIm,
lOve is letting go...

haPPi BiRthdae tO me...

2008-06-09T23:12:00.012+08:00

WeNt PS tOdae tO get mine & my coUsin's hps seRviCed.. lOusy fOne leh.. U7OO.. mY cOuSin one oSo spOilt! haix.. sO dissappOinted wif SAMSuNg.. bOught on FeB 08.. nOw onli 2..3..4..5..6 SIX mOnthz.. mUst feedbaCk ar.. kekekz..

dey gaVe me tiS baCk.. mY batt.. n miCrOchip... n sae tOOk 3-5 days tO SMS me baCk.. haix*

anyway after dat weNt tO eat sUshi!!

bUt dissappOinted AGAIN!! bcOz my favOurite sOft shell cRab OUT OF STOCK.. & My ChawanmUshi have tO wait 30 MINS!!

but STILL... eat till beRi fUll larz.. bcOz my aUnty tReat worx.. fOr mY biRthdae!! yeahx..

ehx.. whOse hand wOr.. cant wait tO eat dem'.. haha...

cReam pUffz.. yUmmy!! bUt still prefer

'bengAnwan sOlo de'.. *blehz* =p

after lOng MINZ of waiting... finally... kekekekzz....

p.s: oRdered 3 @ 1 gO cOz waitrEss SAY gOtta wait fOr 3o MINS... *pOutz*

oKie.. anywayz.. after dat went tUition.. gUess wat?!

i reCeived my fiRSt biRthdae preSent!! yeaHx..

rEd wRapper de.. lUv de cOlOr...

tadahhh.... my mOSt expenSive giFt diS yR.. =X

cHEErZ~!~!~

(#^_^#)

haPPi BiRthdae tO me...

2008-06-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

记得

2008-06-07T18:37:00.000+08:00

谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后我们都不知道会不会有以后

谁还记得是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后

我们都累了却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑怎么说怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人等着对方先说想分开的理由

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中看见了不同的天空
走的太远终于走到分岔路的路口是不是你和我要有两个相反的梦 ...

如果你也听说

2008-06-07T18:30:00.001+08:00

突然发现站了好久不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我再多人陪只会更寂寞
许多话题关于我就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可委屈却没有人诉说
夜把心洋葱般剥落拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候想你更多

如果你也听说有没有想过我
像普通旧朋友还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说会不会相信我
对流言会附和还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我胸口依然温热 ...

2008-06-07T18:17:00.002+08:00

bOring day!!

anyway, went SentOsa oN w3dneSday wif RACHEL.. sUnbUrnt! lUv it! kakakz..

weNt diSCOvery centRe on fRiday... bOrinG oSo.. haix..

tOday even beSt.. stay @ hOme whOle day..
@#$%^&^%*&^%%^&

只要他快乐就好。。

2008-06-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

你好吗？
其实有好多好多话想说，但却不知该如何说起。。。
其实坦白说，你和我都是需要被爱的人。但也谁和常不是呢？只是我们也许需要太多太多了。。到至显得我们好贪心。。爱一个人，　错了吗？为什么心好痛，也许因为我不是对方喜欢的那种类型吧。。坦白说出来，　心里就是不舒服。。

人啊，明明知道前面是一睹墙，还要硬硬的撞上去，总是要跌得偏体磷伤头破血留才甘愿。。
我也是个这样的例子吧。。明明知道自己高攀不上，却还要不自量力地自以为只要真诚就能感动到他。。看吧？还是摔个四脚朝天，痛死了。。但谁晓得，其实心里最最痛了。。

就在还没见过面，我就好像拥有神仙奶奶的魔法，好像小公主一样，被他看待。到了现实生活，像被抽去魔法，没人爱的灰姑娘。。现实终究是现实。。灰姑娘，丑小鸭也不过如此。。

他放不开旧爱，也不想放。
我不能不爱他，只能继续爱。
心叛逆了，怎么劝，都不听。
心受伤了，怎么止血，都不停。

那几天的酗酒，他骂我说：“明知道自己有病，还这样不会照顾自己！”我听了，眼泪滑了下来，仿佛像断了线的珍珠般。。滴。。。滴。。。滴。。不知为何。。

其实我要求不多，只希望他在多看我一眼。施舍的也好，同情的也罢。。
其实好像问他，我们真的没有可能吗。。即使试试交往看看，也好。。但我想，没机会了吧。。

没关系，还是那句话，只要他快乐就好。。

fiRst time

2008-06-04T00:11:00.003+08:00

eRm.. been tinking tO have a blOg of my oWn sinCe lOng lOng agO.. buT eventUally din start any cOz nOe will slaCk mOst of de time..

sinCe papa paSSed away.. been tellin myself to hv a blOg sO i can tell him everyting hEre.. inSide heRe...

k la.. frOm nOw on will tRy beRi beRi haRd tO update eveRytink heRe.. kekekz..

=>

~~deSiRe wOrld~~

他

baCk aGain~~

tRibUte tO Pa Pa

哭，只能显得我好脆弱。。。

~sad mOOd~

la~~la~~la~~

reCeNt dayz..

~sAd~

gOOdbye

a dae oUt tO eaSt cOaSt!

mOviez..

lOng lOng aGo....

lOve iS....

haPPi BiRthdae tO me...

haPPi BiRthdae tO me...

记得

如果你也听说

只要他快乐就好。。

fiRst time

deSiRe wOrld

lalala~~